Home

Someone once told me that God's plan is like a tapestry that we can only see the back of. There are many colors of thread, but you cannot tell what it is and you cannot comprehend it's beauty. Then when the timing is perfect, God will turn that tapestry over and shows you exactly how beautiful and perfect his plan is. It just takes a little time and patience.

Throughout the last 19 months before we traveled I was constantly struggling with my faith and patience. There would be some days that I was great and others that I could not even fall asleep. There were even more days that I would randomly start crying if someone asked me anything about our adoption (thank you to all that were patient with this). Then out of the blue God slowly started showing us his masterpiece. Let me tell you some of the back story.

On Christmas day in 2008 my brother and sister-in-law announced that they were pregnant. In the next couple of months we started feeling the itch to expand our family as well. This was crazy since we had been married for close to 5 years and resolved that it would be at least 3 more years until we would be anywhere near this. After a lot of prayer and research, we signed on with an adoption agency in April '09. At this point I started praying for our child. I believed that he/she already existed and I prayed that God would take care of him/her and to comfort this child in the fact that her parents will come for her.

We were originally told that the entire process would take 9-12 months. Clearly it took much longer and it felt like it would never happen. I started thinking that I was wrong, my child was not born yet when we started the process and it was possible that the child was still not born. We started wondering if this was just our plan and not God's plan, but I could not imagine why God would put this desire to adopt in both of our hearts if it was not right. Another adoptive mother told me that doubt is normal and to not change anything until it was abundantly clear that this was not the direction that we were supposed to go. On November 29, 2010 there was announcement made that made it clear that our current adoption would soon be over, but it could be over without a child.

A week before this happened I had accepted a new job because I felt that it was time to stop just waiting at home. I was called for an interview within days of applying and hired within a week of the interview. It was so easy and reaffirming that this was what I was supposed to do. So when we got our letter of invitation to travel soon after my first day of work I was very confused. I did not want to abandon a job or people that I had committed to.

As soon as our agency made it clear that no matter what was going on with our paperwork, we would be traveling, it was as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off my chest. This peace has continued throughout the traveling and even now. This is definitely God's doing since I tend to be a worrier. We were even told that traveling is the hardest stage, but, for us, it was by far the easiest.

When we met A on December 20, 2010 it was abundantly clear that this was indeed our long awaited daughter. There was never any doubts on this matter. We soon learned that she was brought to the baby house in June '09 at the age of 6 months. Her birthday was January 4, 2009. As I just said this was around the time that our attitude towards starting our family changed and she was brought to the baby house only two months after we signed on with an agency. The feeling of meeting this child that I had been praying for, for so long, was amazing. I was still a little confused. I did not understand why we had to miss out on that year and a half that she was living in an orphanage. After 6 months in the orphanage children will be available for international adoption. At this point we had just finished our dossier. Our translator later told us that although A was in the orphanage for that long, her mother did not sign away her rights until a year later. At this point I felt like that tapestry had been completely revealed to me.

When our little girl was conceived, God had us in mind as her parents. If we would have traveled any sooner we would not be with our daughter. My wise husband told me over and over that our child was just not ready for us yet, and to my dismay at admitting he was right, I knew in my heart that this was true.

One other part of the tapestry that was unclear was getting a job. This was clarified quickly. They agreed to try to arrange for me to work from home until A is adjusted/attached as long as I needed. This was a huge shock to me, and again not such a big shock to Chris (he was right in predicting this yet again!).

I mention earlier that there was a possibility that our adoption would be over without a child. When we arrived in Kazakhstan our coordinator informed us that we were the last family from our agency to travel. The rest will have to start their process completely over. This breaks my heart for all of these families. I have always been told that it would happen at the perfect time, not too soon or too late, and many times things will come through at the last possible minute. This is clearly the case for us. We could not have gone any sooner or we would not be able to call A our daughter and we could not have been invited even a day later because the program was ending. It is likely that there was a 2 week window for all of this to happen in order for us to meet the Child that God had prepared our hearts for.

Chris and I have both grown so much through this process and the tapestry turned out to be more beautiful and perfect than we ever could have imagined.

Now that we are home I will not be writing every day, but I will update it as we learn more (or when I need an outlet). On January 28th we should receive the decree that our daughter is truly and completely ours (and I will blog to inform all of you and release pictures and name). After this we will be waiting more for the passport to be completed. Although I feel so eager to have her in my arms again, I have learned that my timing is incredibly flawed and God's is perfect.