Week end Review

I am writing this blog as I sit in the car in my driveway. You might be wondering why, well our daughter falls asleep in the car and it has been a struggle to get her naps so we decided to go for a ride. It is kind of nice because now I have nothing else to distract me. I have really been wanting to write this all week but as I am sure most of you know, parenthood keeps you busy. I figured I would review from where I left off last.

Wednesday we were set to have our appointment at the Embassy. If this went smoothly we would get to come home on Thursday, if not it would not be until Saturday. Considering the price of the room and my eagerness to bring our angel home, this was very important. When we got to the Embassy, the consulate informed us that they were having issues with the internet system and that we needed to wait and they would try to get it fixed. Two hours later it was 5 minutes until closing and he was telling us that there was no way that it could get done because it was still not working. Even though it was futile, Chris was begging him to try everything possible. After about 5 minutes of begging, the Consulate decided to check it again. Remember this whole time we are trying to stay calm and entertain a two year old in a very drab governmental waiting room (it was a lot like the DMV). The Consulate came running back waving the papers in the air. He was so excited that it worked and we could bring our baby home. I picked Allie up and twirled her saying "You are going to America!!". The last minute possible has seemed to be the theme for this process!!

So at 1:30am Thursday morning we took our daughter out of bed and brought her to the airport to start our next big adventure. We had no clue what to expect. For instance, the cutest surprise happened as we were boarding the plane. Allie is not one to say goodbye on demand and has only blown a kiss once in the time we've known her. But, as the airport waiting area was just going out of sight, we said "bye-bye Kazakhstan" which was followed by an Allie "bye-bye" and a full-fledged kiss and wave goodbye. I am telling you, the girl is more conscious of what is going on than we will ever know.

The first flight, which was 6 1/2 hours long, amazing actually left on time. Remember that every single flight up to this point had been delayed. I guess these were the ones that truly counted. We were surprised to find that we had been upgraded to Economy Plus and had an entire row to ourselves.

(Okay perfect example of my new life. I am now back 2 hours later because she woke up. We will see how long I make it this time).

Anyways, that flight was amazing she slept half of it and played the rest of the time. Our girl is not immune to tantrums so we were very thankful that this went well. We then had a 5 hour layover in Germany. This was probably more tough on Papa and I than it was on Allie. She ended up falling asleep in the baby carrier. We soon learned that this was the trick to her sleeping. We were worried about the next flight because we knew that we would have less room, it was an 8 hour flight and we would be cutting it close in DC. Yet again our little girl slept for more than half of the flight and Chris slept even more than that. When Allie was awake, she was very playful. She loved the lady who was sitting next to us and considered it her job to be the in-flight entertainment.

In DC we miraculously made it through Customs and immigration in just enough time for me to change the pullup and get her on the next flight. At this point I relaxed and apparently she did too. It seemed surreal that we were about to be home as a family. We both slept for the entire flight.

We were finally home. We unloaded the plane and saw a couple of our friends and my parents waiting. It was amazing!! It took Allie a little while to warm up to the new faces but she soon started to show her amazing personality.

We are now coming to the close of the 3rd day home. We are all learning so much and have a bunch left to learn. We have played a lot, laughed tons, slept a lot, screamed some and even had the first ever Kelley household dance party! How our life has changed! I never knew that I could love my husband more than I already did, but watching him as a father is incredible. Last night he jumped out of bed when she started crying and came back talking jibberish. This morning he did not remember a thing. Clearly he is such a natural that he can parent in his sleep.

Allie is the strongest little girl I know. I know this was terrifying for her but it is hard to remember that when she seems to be doing so well. She is incredible and has been incredibly patient with her new parents. I do plan to post more pictures soon but as you can tell this has been a task in itself. I am thankful to my parents who stayed around and helped a bunch and to our friends who are making sure that we are fed over the next couple of weeks. We have been here a short while and we are already so blessed with such an amazing network of friends.

Sometimes it is hard to believe this has really happened. It is when she is sleeping in my arms that I am able to recognize the magnitude of this miracle in our lives. The adoptions in Kazakhstan are now over for a while and there are many children that will not find there forever home and many families that are now starting over the long process. All of this is happening and here I sit with my perfect, rotten, adorable angel. We are forever blessed and forever thankful.

Allie is a bit sick and unfortunately I think we are going to have to see the doctor a little sooner than I hoped. I will be back to share more about the first couple of weeks home with her. Thank you for following our story up to now and for all of the prayers.

Joys AND Trials, but mostly Joys

To avoid confusion as you read this, note that this is Chris writing today under strict supervision of Cindy.

Yesterday morning was the most wonderful experience, because around 6am a precious little girl opened her eyes, looked at her mama and papa, and smiled. She then reached her little hand out to touch mama's face, as if to make sure that she was real. It was simply amazing, and two rough diaper changes later, it is still amazing! Despite all the changes that Allie is being put through, she is really adapting well. Most of the days she has been wearing a big smile and wanting to play. The only problem is that she would rather keep playing regardless of how exhausted (she and her parents) get. So, for all those wondering how our entry to parenthood has been, we have experienced some fights but we have seen enough joys to know that the fights are worth it.

I am able to write now because Allie passed out for a nap, which is a first for this trip. Yesterday, we tried for the afternoon nap, but that got nasty quick. Eventually, she fell asleep along with us around 3:30. She woke up again at 5:00am this morning!

We are learning quickly about her. Like how she loves to mimic adults, and that is why everything is a phone to her (even her baby doll!). She loved Cheerios, couldn't get enough, until she had goldfish. Now, nothing compares for her. She will eat our other treats that we brought, but apparently baked cheddar is a flavor that cannot be denied. Lotion time is still a big hit, but bath time before lotion is still up in the air. She loves to splash water in her face, but us pouring water on her head to wash out the shampoo is terrifying.

I don't think that our Almaty experience will be remembered quite as fondly as Ust. The hotel still claims to only have the most expensive room, and the staff is less than excited to be hospitipal to us. Allie will remember Almaty as the place of the first time that her parents subjected her to the doctor. The doctor was fantastic with her, but she still hates anything that resembles a doctor's office. Random enough, the doctor was a foreigner as well, he was from South Africa.

The one thing that we do have at this hotel is a truly fantastic breakfast buffet. Still a lot of beef and onions for the morning, but the spread is quite impressive. Allie loves the apples and oranges, but she is not a fan of grapefruit. Potatoes seem to be her favorite food thus far (well, it is probably a toss up with goldfish), so she is definitely Cindy's daughter. If that wasn't enough, Allie has not paid any attention to cartoons that we have for her, but she stopped and watched several minutes of The Princess Bride. For those who do not know, this is Cindy's all time favorite. Inconceivable!

We have not heard otherwise, so it looks as though we are set to have our embassy appointment today at 2:30. That means that we will be flying out in the morning and be home as planned around 5:45pm. Allie did well during the flight from Ust, but that was only an hour and a half. Please pray for the other 15.5 hours of flights, and 10+ hours in layovers. Thankfully, the plane itself does not scare her, so it is really just our responsibility to entertain her. Cindy's biggest fear is changing the "fun" diapers on the plane. We shall see tomorrow!

Gotcha Day, Table for 3 please

Well getting here was not the easiest but somehow we managed. After several really bad delays we somehow managed to get here at the exact same time we had originally planned. Of course our baggage did not. Thankfully we packed Allie's "gotcha day" clothes in our carry on, along with her new music box. Unfortunately we did not have our coats, Brrrr! I am sorry I am just now writing this but of course things have been kinda busy. I am only writing now because it is 3:00 am here and everyone else is asleep. So I am going to try to cover everything from our first full day as a family of 3.
Yesterday morning we both woke up nervous. For so long we have fantasized what this day would be like and it was finally here. It did not feel real. I was excited and scared at the same time. What if she did not recognize us, what if she refused to come to us when we saw her, what if we are absolutely terrible at this whole parenting thing, what if, what if, what if?? It is so strange to go from being a couple to be a couple and parents in minutes. So it was finally time to go pick up our precious girl. We went in her room and there were several children in there but none of them were Allie. The caretaker shared that she was in class and left to go get her. A full hour later (okay it was 2 minutes, but it felt like forever) she brought Allie into the room in a precious pink dress. She was not bald!! In fact her hair is much longer now. She did not scream in glee but she definitely recognized us. We hugged and loved on her, and she was giggling from the first second. We then had to change all of her clothes. Everything that was hers at the orphanage, has to stay at the orphanage. Changing all of her clothes to me is also symbolic of leaving the past behind and starting a new life. She was so patient with us. I was very proud of Chris who learned how to get boots on somehow. Then it was time to say goodbye to the caretakers. This was very emotional for them and me. They were telling her, "You are going to go take a walk". Apparently they do this so that she will not freak out. Her caretaker had tears in her eyes as she gave her blessings, "She told her to live a healthy and happy life". We then had to say good bye. I am so thankful to these women for taking care of my little girl.
We were then expected to go say goodbye to the director and the doctor. We knew this would be rough because Allie does not like the Doctor hall. She screamed and screamed the entire time. We knew this was likely but we started wondering if this was how the rest of the day would be. Thankfully the second we walked outside she was fine. She fell asleep in the car and was not scared of the hotel. We fed her lunch, of course all she would eat was mashed potatoes. Sound like anyone you know? It is so much fun to learn all of these things about her. We were only at the hotel for a couple of hours before we had to go back to the airport to fly to Almaty. She fell asleep in the car yet again. In the airport she was so curious about everything. She likes to point at cars and say "beep beep" and now she is saying "car beep beep". Evertime she says "What is it?" in Russian, she will repeat what we say in English. She is so smart! We hoped that the plane ride would be much like the car ride. Instead she was quite playful the entire time. She did do great though. She ate cheerios the entire time. The only time she got upset was when we had to strap her back in before landing.
When we got to Almaty our luggage was waiting on us and so was our driver! She fell asleep again in the car. When we got to the hotel, they told us that the only room they had left was the suite which costs $300 a night. We just about had a hear attack, but unfortunately do not have much of a choice on the matter. We are hoping that another room will come open tommorrow. Apparently reservations just mean that they are guaranteeing you a room not that they are guaranteeing you a room you actually can afford.
I am so amazed by how easily Allie has adjusted to new environments. She just walks around like she owns the place. She is eating great and even used the potty!! We are still trying to master the sippy cup. She hasn't figured out that she has to suck on it and when we take the plug out she likes to give herself a shower with it. When the plug is in it she sees it as a challenge to try to get the water out by all means necessary (but not in her mouth).
Bedtime was a bit of a struggle. She was not fussy, she just wanted to play. Since Chris and I were both exhausted we just went to bed with her and we were all asleep within a few minutes. Allie is a sqirmer and when I just went in there to check on them, Chris and her were both laying sideways across the bed.
She is so amazingly comfortable with us, it is as if it has always been 3 instead of 2. I feel so incredibly blessed. Please keep the prayers up. We will be going to the doctor for her physical today. This will likely be very scarey for her. Hopefully we will then have the embassy appointment on Wednesday and leave early the next morning. I will try to blog quicker this time, today should be less hectic.

Here we go again, kinda

Day...uh...who cares! The wait is over!

It is finally time to go back to Kazakhstan and pick up our daughter. The wait has gone by fast and slow at the same time. It is hard to describe what it has felt like to be home without her. For me it almost felt like none of it ever happened. It felt like a fairtale story. I am very ready for it all to be real again. We are currently sitting at the Nashville Airport and have been for a couple of hours. Our flight is delayed/grounded with no notification of when we might be allowed to leave. Once we are in Kazakhstan our schedule is pretty tight so if we can't get there by Sunday we will have to be there 2 extra days and it will cost us a bunch of money. This is a rough start but we remember that it is not our plan that counts and we know that God is in charge of every step of this journey.

So, our plan as of now is to get to the region on Sunday. We will then pick her up on Monday and immediately fly back to Almaty. On Tuesday we will have her doctor's appointment and Wednesday her Embassy appointment. Then we are hoping to fly back early Thursday morning.

I did not finish the blog in Nashville so this is a continuation. After a couple of very stressful hours in the airport in DC, we are now in London. This was not our original itenerary but it looks like we will still get there in time. This was fortunate because otherwise we would still be in DC enjoying a 27 hour layover.

During the time we were home, we really enjoyed celebrating Allie with all of our friends and preparing the house for her arrival. I almost cried when we childproofed the fireplace (it used to be so pretty). Still, Allie's room has really become something that I am proud of. We quickly realized that our plans for the baby's room were centered around the notion that we would be decorating for a boy, so our "neutral" plans for the room really didn't help us much. With the aid of wonderful friends and family, I am very proud of how the room ended up. A very special THANK YOU goes out to Cole and Kayla for their hand-painted artwork!

It is Official

Well as you can already tell we clearly did not find out on the 28th that the court decree was final but we found out today that it was final on the 28th and we received a copy of A's new birth certificate and adoption certificate. I was at work today and knew that our caseworker does not get to work until 10:00am so I was completely calm and patient until about 10:05am and them the nerves started setting in. At 10:45am I got the long awaited email that said, "Cindy congratulations it is final, you can celebrate today". I squealed and started crying all at once. Of course I was in a public area of my office filled with staff that I do not know and who have no clue what was going on. Thankfully our office manager did know exactly what was going on and gave me a big hug as she started to tear up as well. Just like with court, I had no doubt that this would go through, but it was such a huge relief all the same. I quickly called Chris, Mom, Dad, and Bryan. I then texted a bunch of people and posted it on facebook. It was so fantastic to hear the relief in everyone's responses. We can breath easy now because although she is not yet in our arms, she is ours!

Meet Allie Anastasiya Kelley

Anastasiya is her birth name and they called her Nastya in the orphanage. We have always said that our daughter's name (which we never thought we would have a daughter) would be Allie. We were just waiting to find our little A!

They should be applying for her passport in the next couple of days. We found out on Thursday that the families that are three weeks ahead of us in the process were notified that there passports were complete. We are hoping that this means in three weeks we will have similar news and can travel back to get her. I will most definitely keep everyone in the know!

Home

Someone once told me that God's plan is like a tapestry that we can only see the back of. There are many colors of thread, but you cannot tell what it is and you cannot comprehend it's beauty. Then when the timing is perfect, God will turn that tapestry over and shows you exactly how beautiful and perfect his plan is. It just takes a little time and patience.

Throughout the last 19 months before we traveled I was constantly struggling with my faith and patience. There would be some days that I was great and others that I could not even fall asleep. There were even more days that I would randomly start crying if someone asked me anything about our adoption (thank you to all that were patient with this). Then out of the blue God slowly started showing us his masterpiece. Let me tell you some of the back story.

On Christmas day in 2008 my brother and sister-in-law announced that they were pregnant. In the next couple of months we started feeling the itch to expand our family as well. This was crazy since we had been married for close to 5 years and resolved that it would be at least 3 more years until we would be anywhere near this. After a lot of prayer and research, we signed on with an adoption agency in April '09. At this point I started praying for our child. I believed that he/she already existed and I prayed that God would take care of him/her and to comfort this child in the fact that her parents will come for her.

We were originally told that the entire process would take 9-12 months. Clearly it took much longer and it felt like it would never happen. I started thinking that I was wrong, my child was not born yet when we started the process and it was possible that the child was still not born. We started wondering if this was just our plan and not God's plan, but I could not imagine why God would put this desire to adopt in both of our hearts if it was not right. Another adoptive mother told me that doubt is normal and to not change anything until it was abundantly clear that this was not the direction that we were supposed to go. On November 29, 2010 there was announcement made that made it clear that our current adoption would soon be over, but it could be over without a child.

A week before this happened I had accepted a new job because I felt that it was time to stop just waiting at home. I was called for an interview within days of applying and hired within a week of the interview. It was so easy and reaffirming that this was what I was supposed to do. So when we got our letter of invitation to travel soon after my first day of work I was very confused. I did not want to abandon a job or people that I had committed to.

As soon as our agency made it clear that no matter what was going on with our paperwork, we would be traveling, it was as if a ton of bricks had been lifted off my chest. This peace has continued throughout the traveling and even now. This is definitely God's doing since I tend to be a worrier. We were even told that traveling is the hardest stage, but, for us, it was by far the easiest.

When we met A on December 20, 2010 it was abundantly clear that this was indeed our long awaited daughter. There was never any doubts on this matter. We soon learned that she was brought to the baby house in June '09 at the age of 6 months. Her birthday was January 4, 2009. As I just said this was around the time that our attitude towards starting our family changed and she was brought to the baby house only two months after we signed on with an agency. The feeling of meeting this child that I had been praying for, for so long, was amazing. I was still a little confused. I did not understand why we had to miss out on that year and a half that she was living in an orphanage. After 6 months in the orphanage children will be available for international adoption. At this point we had just finished our dossier. Our translator later told us that although A was in the orphanage for that long, her mother did not sign away her rights until a year later. At this point I felt like that tapestry had been completely revealed to me.

When our little girl was conceived, God had us in mind as her parents. If we would have traveled any sooner we would not be with our daughter. My wise husband told me over and over that our child was just not ready for us yet, and to my dismay at admitting he was right, I knew in my heart that this was true.

One other part of the tapestry that was unclear was getting a job. This was clarified quickly. They agreed to try to arrange for me to work from home until A is adjusted/attached as long as I needed. This was a huge shock to me, and again not such a big shock to Chris (he was right in predicting this yet again!).

I mention earlier that there was a possibility that our adoption would be over without a child. When we arrived in Kazakhstan our coordinator informed us that we were the last family from our agency to travel. The rest will have to start their process completely over. This breaks my heart for all of these families. I have always been told that it would happen at the perfect time, not too soon or too late, and many times things will come through at the last possible minute. This is clearly the case for us. We could not have gone any sooner or we would not be able to call A our daughter and we could not have been invited even a day later because the program was ending. It is likely that there was a 2 week window for all of this to happen in order for us to meet the Child that God had prepared our hearts for.

Chris and I have both grown so much through this process and the tapestry turned out to be more beautiful and perfect than we ever could have imagined.

Now that we are home I will not be writing every day, but I will update it as we learn more (or when I need an outlet). On January 28th we should receive the decree that our daughter is truly and completely ours (and I will blog to inform all of you and release pictures and name). After this we will be waiting more for the passport to be completed. Although I feel so eager to have her in my arms again, I have learned that my timing is incredibly flawed and God's is perfect.

Day 24 – Such sweet sorrow…

I am sorry that it has taken so long to post about this but we are traveling and the internet is sketchy or expensive. So although I am writing this in Frankfurt Germany, I will likely not be able to post it until we are back home.

We brought gifts for all of the workers at the orphanage since it was our last day there. We had the privilege of seeing the room that she sleeps in. It had about 20 toddler beds set up in one room (can you imagine that many toddlers in such close quarters at bedtime?). When we offered the gifts to caretakers they were very thankful and were eager to offer many encouraging words to us. They describe A the same way we do, as a very sweet and fun girl with a “strong personality”. I have always been a bit of a pushover so, to some extent, I love that she stands up for herself. Growing up in an orphanage, children have to fight there way to the top in order to have their basic needs met. If she fights her way to the front of the line the caretakers will hold her hand while going down the hall. If she gets to the table first, she will get her food first. During playtime, all of the children only get one toy to play with, so if one of the other children takes hers, she will not have a toy. A is definitely a survivor and I am very proud of this trait. Hopefully when she gets home she will no longer feel the need to fight! Also the caretakers informed us that she calms down quickly when we leave and she did not act any differently when we did not come see her because of court. When we are not there though she will call for Papa over and over. I do want to thank everyone who has been praying about this. It was exactly what I need to hear. I want to know that she will be okay until we return, and Chris loved to hear the papa part.

We had a fantastic day with her. She was full of giggles and cracking us up constantly. We added pictures of her to family picture book that we left with her. When she saw these she would point to the area that the picture was taken and say “Dom”, which means “there”. Then she pointed at pictures of the rest of our family and each time would point to the door and say “Dom”. At first I was saying “they are not there”, but then I realized that in reality she was pointing to the direction that all of her loving family is patiently waiting for her to come home. We even snuck some snacks in for her today, and she loved it!

When it was time to bring her back, my heart immediately became heavy again. It is amazing that when I am with her nothing can bring me down, but leaving her was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. We brought her toys up to her room and showed her that they were being placed in her locker and of course it was not much longer when I started tearing up. She clearly could tell that something was different because pulled away from her caretaker and reached her arms up for Chris to pick her up again. When he did, A held onto him harder than she ever has and we had to basically pry her away, which is the hardest thing Chris has ever had to do. She stood and watched us leave and started rocking side to side again. She has not done this since the first couple of days we were with her, but apparently when she sensed our pain, her little nervous habit resurfaced.

I know that she is in very good hands until we can return; I just want them to be my hands so badly. I will write again when we get home. I want to share all of the miracles that made God’s timing so perfect. I do ask that you will be praying that our little survivor will be fine and even thrive until we can return to her.

Day 23 - Law & Order

On the way to the courthouse today our translator told us that our coordinator was sick and might not be able to be at court. She said that this is not a big deal and that she would translate for us so we were not worried. Amazingly I was really not worried at all about court last night or this morning (thanks for the prayers). When it was time to go to our tiny little court room everyone that was there started talking to our translator in Russian and we kept hearing our coordinators name in a nervous manner. This is when we started worry a litttle. Our translator then called the coordinator who said she was running late and if she did not make it in time to start without her. After this our translator told us that our coordinator had the journal, which we are supposed to have in court. We now understood why everyone got so nervous. Thankfully, our coordinator got there in the nick of time and we were asked to step out while another potential mother (now officially) had her hearing.

Sitting in the hall waiting for it to be our turn we said a prayer and were at peace. I thought that I would be a wreck but I had complete faith that it would all be fine. When it was our turn, we went in and said our speeches. The social worker and director then said their part. Everyone in the room then said they were in favor of the adoption and we were asked to step out while the judge made his decision. 30 seconds later we walked back in and the judge told us that the adoption of A was granted! For not being nervous I sure did feel relieved. I felt tears coming but managed to hold them back (this is a huge accomplishment). Everyone congratulated us and called us Mama and Papa. Chris even made this really cute drawing for me:

We now have 15 days starting tomorrow to wait until we are officially her parents. In our hearts (and in God's plan) we have been A's parents since the day she was born, we just had to wait 23 months to meet our angel. We are so thankful for this miracle and for God's perfect timing. We are now packing our bags. I cannot believe that this trip is over and we have to leave A tomorrow. I will just have to remember that God's plan is perfect and to be patient in the waiting period. The passports are taking a very long time now and some families are being told that they will have to wait 9-10 weeks from their court date before it will be done. I cannot imagine being away from her a day much less months but I know that God will give me the strength (that I lack otherwise) to survive this as well.

Day 22 - Potty Time

We were with A alone today, which was fantastic. When we went to pick her up they put her on the potty before we could take her. This is the first time we have been there for this, apparently she had not gone during the last "peepee shift" (like I explained before they do this on a schedule). She also did not go this time so they sent some fresh tights with us just in case. When we were playing she decided that she wanted her socks off and shoes off. If anyone else was there they would have freaked out that we were letting her walk around bare foot but thank goodness no one else was. She then started pulling her tights off so I asked if she need to go potty, and she clearly wanted to, so I got the little baby potty out and she went and sat on it but again did not go. She decided that this was a fun game proceeded to do this 5 more times. It was strange but great since, again, it was showing that we would be there to take care of that basic need as well.

We had another new experience that was much more fun for us. I was carrying her and running around the room with Chris chasing us around the room. We have not heard A laugh this much since the 3rd day that we were with her. She reached a new level of loving and hugging us constantly. Chris and I were practically sweating from running around so much, but it was certainly worth it for our precious little A.

As you know we have court tomorrow morning. I am not all that nervous about this. We have a speech that we can read and we have heard from other families that it is not that bad. We were thinking that we would get to go see A in the afternoon since we knew that these other families did this on the day of their court. Unfortunately our coordinator said that we could not. I almost started crying in the car. I had it in my head that we had two more visits and learning that we only have one is completely heart breaking. I am just thankful that we had such a fun visit.

Day 21 - A's first day out!

We were surprised today when our translator told us that we would be bringing A to get her passport picture taken today. We thought this meant a ride in a car but apparently it was just a block and a half walk. Either way we knew that this might be difficult since A is very content with her little space. So, we had to go to her room and get her dressed very warm to take her outside. This included these weird felt boots that are traditional for children but very difficult to put on. There is no zipper, I feel like this a sin if you are making boots for a two year old. The caretaker had to come in and help. I thought she might be fussing about "these crazy Americans can't do anything" but our translator later told us that she said that their is a trick. This trick included putting the boot on as far as it would go and then hitting it very hard on the bottom until it was completely on her foot. Of course when we were struggling with getting the boots on we were being gentle and A was getting upset. When the caretaker was firmly hitting the bottom of her boot she was fine. I guess she is used to them being a little rough in getting her dressed.

She was very scared when we went further in the orphanage than she had ever gone, but amazingly when we went outside to the sub, sub zero temperature she was fine. It was not until we went into the photographer's place that she started crying again. She was able to calm down fairly easily with the help of her Papa and Mama's soothing (oh and of course the music box). The photographer took his sweet time but we finally got the picture, which will probably look pathetic. Her emotions are always very translucent in her expression.

Amazingly when we got back we still had 30 minutes with her. We quickly took off all of the layers. A found intrigue in her Mama's gloves so we got hilarious pictures of her with them on her hands and feet. She then pulled out her coloring book and settled in my lap to color. In the midst of this she just fell back in my lap, and she was asleep. The adventure was so exhausting for her that she just passed out mid stroke! When we brought her back to her room we witnessed another little girl struggling to stay awake. She was sitting on this miniature couch and nodding off, it was adorable.

We did more touring today. We went to the Orthodox Church and the World War 2 Memorial. It was very cold, but completely worth it. I cannot believe that we will be leaving in a few days. I just can't think about it.

Day 20 - A horse is a horse of course a horse

Today was emotional for everyone involved! We started by going to A's classroom. Chris reached out his arms for A to come to him, instead another little girl latched onto his leg. This started about 5 other kids coming to hug on Chris. These children are so hungry for love and attention. Our translator told us that many of them are in more of a foster situation, but it is clear that they do not have parents or any loved ones coming to visit. It is a shame that this program is becoming more difficult to complete, there are still so many children who deserve a loving home.

Our little girl was going to run to her Papa but once the other girl did, she was fine with coming to me instead. I was worried that she might get jealous of the other children hugging on him but she was fine with it. She started out in a great mood, but quickly got hungry and subsequently tired. She fell asleep again while I was trying to to comfort her. I feel like we are being the bad guys. We are the ones who are holding her back from getting lunch. Today she mainly looked at our translator longingly while crying. I am sure to her it seems like it is our fault that she cannot go with her to get her lunch. I am convinced that her lunch should be at 10:50 because this is when she starts getting fussy everyday. Apparently breakfast is at 6:00 and they do not eat lunch until 11:20. This is the longest period of the day without food, and this when they decided it was a good time for us to see her. I am happy to be able to comfort her, but I am eager to be able to meet all her needs, especially hunger.

We finally did some touristy things today. We went to a Kazakh restaurant and had horse meat, which tastes a lot like venison to me. There was very traditional Kazakh dishes like Besh Barmark (soup with mutton and kazy cooked in a broth with onions and noodles), kazy (a dried and heavily seasoned horse meat), and some rolls that were like the world's best doughnut but without glaze. The kazy was really good, but a little weird at the same time because there was 3 different cuts to try. The first one was pretty lean and it was the best, and the second one was almost exactly even strips of meat and fat. The third, however, is horse stomach. The flavor of this was pretty good, but the texture was exactly like you would think a stomach would be! Too much for us, but we were adventurous enough to try it.

We also were able to see the town square and the mosque. Tomorrow we will go to the Orthodox Church and some other sights. It is still very cold but not as dangerous, so we are trying to get this all in before we leave next Thursday. Oh yeah, we leave next Thursday. We will be able to see her that morning and fly out that afternoon. I am trying to focus on preparing our home for her. This is the only thing that makes it remotely okay in my mind that we are leaving.

Day 19 - A Typical Day

Today we brought six bottles of baby lotion to A's classroom. The caretakers requested this as our "optional" gift to the orphanage and were very thankful. They showed us one of the little girl's hands that looked raw they were so dry. We were very happy to give something that they really needed and will use. A's hands/arms have recovered so well in only a week of lotion. We may have bought more, but 6 bottles was all we could find between two different stores. It is getting warmer though (today couldn't be colder than -25), so we will be venturing out and shopping more in next few days.

Our sweetheart was in a great mood again today. Of course, 5 minutes with us and she then fell and bumped her head, which greatly affected this mood. Even still she was amazing like always. I do not have much to share today because it really was a smooth day with a lot of dressing a doll, hugging and singing to the doll, and some tickling (A, not the doll) for good measure.

We did let her play with Chris's broken iPhone at the end of our visit. This was mainly to distract her until it was time to go to lunch since she was clearly hungry. She was so cute. She held it up to her ear and talked very enthusiastically. Apparently the caretakers will talk on their cell phones around them. I guess they get agravated a lot on the phone because she made a very serious face and babbled as if she was fussing at somebody.

We were alone today without a translator, so she was very focused on us and there were minimal distractions. The only reason A even started thinking about lunch was because a nurse came in with a tray of meds that really looked just like the food tray that the cooks bring A's lunch on every day. We kept her distracted for the most part, but another agency's translator had to open the door to go outside of the room which made A scream because she did not leave with her for lunch. I rocked her and sang to her, and fairly quickly she switched back to sweet little A for the rest of the time together.

We are really struggling with the thought of leaving her. It absolutely breaks my heart and we are hearing that the passports are taking longer than they are supposed to. I know that God has a plan and this will happen in his timing. He has proved this over and over to us. I still think that it is natural to get knots in my stomach everytime I think of leaving her next week. I just pray that she is okay without us and does not completely forget us while we are gone.

Day 18 - Merry Christmas...again

Our little girl was sweet today. We had so much fun. Papa was definitely her favorite for most of the visit and we were even able to convince her to hand something over that was "kaka" but she insisted on playing with. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting today is Christmas here. She did seem more in the Christmas spirit today. A spent time with all of the typical things but today she found a clothes hamper full of toys. She, of course, decided to unload half of these and only played with two of them. Most of the toys were these little squeaky toys that kinda look like dog toys. They don't use stuffed animals because of the germs so they are what all of the kids in her classroom are always playing with. Her favorites were a doll (big surprise) and chain of shapes that she could take apart and put back together.

She really enjoys mimicing us and today was no exception. I was making a sound like I was straining trying to take apart the chain pieces, and so she started doing it too. Absolutely adorable. A was clearly ready for lunch today, but she did not get fussy or even get impatient. She politely picked up all of the toys and started blowing kisses and waving. We brought her upstairs and she held out her arms for us to take her sweater off, pulled up her sleeves to wash her hands, and she was done with us. Normally this would be hard to take but today, on Christmas, it was just fantastic to see our little girl so happy. When we last saw her, she was politely sitting in her chair at the table, just watching us walk out while she patiently waited for lunch to be served.

Day 17 - Papa Proves Himself

Today is Christmas Eve here, crazy right?? This has been the longest holiday season ever. We brought A another outfit today and she actually started undressing herself so that we could change her, so cute!

Unfortunately, today she started getting desperately hungry 30 minutes before lunch time. I am so proud of my husband who managed to keep her content or laughing for most of that time. It took a lot of work on his part and every trick in the bag, but it worked! Part of this plan was letting her pick her things up on her own today which stretches it out a bit. She had found some doll clothes on one of the shelves in a plastic bag earlier and we also brought her clothes in a plastic bag (I know great wrapping paper right?). When I held out the plastic bag to put the doll clothes up she thought that I was asking for the clothes that we brought her. She grabbed her shirt and said "Nyet" in a very concerned way. I felt so bad that she thought that we were taking her clothes away.

Even with how hungry A was today, she still cried when she realized we were leaving. I didn't think she would since she was sooo ready to go to her classroom, and when we brought her up she quickly left our side to be with the other kids waiting. Yet, when she turned to see Chris waiving at her and saying "paka" (bye), her face just crumpled up and tears were starting to flow. So sad, but so sweet and reassuring at the same time.

We were only able to bring her back personally because we brought a picture of A today for her classroom. The caretakers asked to have one of her so that they can put it up with the other pictures of kids who have been adopted. It was sweet how proud they are of their children!

Great news, we got our court date today! We will be going to court on January 12th. We will let you all know when we will be returning once we change our plain tickets. I am really hoping that it gets warmer here soon because my husband is about to drive me crazy as he goes more stir crazy! The less we can go outside, the worse he gets. Ugh, he is a goofball but I love him.

Day 16 - The Softer Side of A

To my wife (this is Chris), what an amazing mother you naturally are! You other readers will understand by the end of this post, and it will be a rather short one due to the nature of today's time with A.

It is cold here! I know this is no surprise or new thing, but it is really cold! A is certainly feeling the weather, and she was a bit solemn when she saw us today. Still excited, still came directly to us, but with less enthusiasm than most days. She played with her bday present while just sitting in my lap, we played a little "catch me Papa!", and even laughed a bit in the stroller, but even during these activities she would stop and look like she was feeling crummy.

Enter her mommy. At one point about 20 minutes in, A grabbed ahold of Cindy and sat in her lap with a rather freakish one armed, balding baby doll. Cindy started rocking her, and A fought only a tiny bit before drifting off for the next 45 minutes! Obviously Cindy has that "motherly touch" already in her, and A senses that. The only noise for the rest of our time was that of her favorite little music box (K&D, you are the best!) and A's cute little sucking of her bottom lip.

Papa didn't come back into the picture except when she briefly awoke a few times. I knew this would happen and my worst fear would be realized: my daughter would wake up and the sight of me would cause her to SCREAM! But my darling A surprised me yet again. She opened her eyes, looked deep into mine, and drifted back into her dreams. Even when we woke her so I could carry her back upstairs, A just grabbed on to me and calmly enjoyed her ride to her room.

No fuss when we left, just longing (and still very tired) eyes and a blown kiss with a wave. A perfect ending to a fantastic day with a daughter that trusts us enough to rock her to sleep.

Day 16- Birthday Girl

Today was our precious little girl's 2nd birthday and venturing out in the cold yesterday was completely worth it. She was more excited today to see us than she has ever been, and they dressed her in an outfit that we dropped off yesterday. All of the children sat down in their chairs at the little bitty tables and patiently waited for their chocolate. All of the kids were so cute, the chocolate started melting, of course, so they had it all over their hands and faces by the time they were all done.

We then took A to the bonding room and gave her birthday present. She again loved the stringy stuff that we put in the bag and thoroughly enjoyed her Russian speaking toy. At one point while she was playing something started banging in another room. She looked around and, in Russian, said "Who is That?" and started making a hammering motion with her hands. She is saying so much more now than when we first met her two weeks ago. A was a bit of a daddy's girl today, and she was so affectionate and ticklish. She just didn't stop laughing and smiling for about the first 45 minutes.

For the last half of our visit A showed us that she believes in the song lyrics, "It's my birthday and I can cry if I want to". I cannot complain about this because I remember many birthday parties that I ran to my room (on a sugar high) crying. Today it was because we had to take things away from her. I know that we have to do this at some point, but it sure would be nice to have been able to wait until we got home. She was not okay with it, but again she allowed us to hold her and calm her as she screamed. She did calm down before we brought her back to her room but yet again she started crying when we had to leave her.

The neatest thing that we got to do for her birthday was petition for court. We finished a bunch of paperwork with her new name, requesting the change of birth certificate and passport. Normally this stuff has been annoying but we were just beeming with joy. The best thing that we could do for A's birthday is request for the courts to allow us to adopt her (of course it would be better to be able to bring her home, but we do what we can). We will know on the 6th when our court date will be. It still makes me sick to think of leaving her but the quicker all of this goes through, the sooner she will be home.

Day 15 - She likes us...she really likes us!

This is Chris writing again, Cindy has been traumitized a bit so she is sitting this one out. I scared her a bit on the walk home from the store a few minutes ago, and I hope I never put her in the same type of situation. As you know, it is a bit icy and slick here. Well, I joined the ranks of those who have fallen before me while in an alley. The fall was not what scared her though, instead that just resulted in me forcing out a few explatives that I wish I could take back. The scary part is that I apparently should have stayed down for a second, because a few steps later I passed out! From Cindy's story, I softly crumbled to the ground with my eyes rolled back, and I stayed there long enough for Cindy to scream for help 4 or 5 times. This sounds incredibly dramatic (and for Cindy I bet it was/is), but I came to and felt perfect. Save the incredible pain in my lower back where all of my weight hit the ice in one specific spot.

But, it is a happy day, and you all are probably more concerned with how A is doing. Well, we left her in some major tears, but it is because even lunch is not a substitution for her mom and dad. As her typical actions, we could tell she was hungry when she told us bye, waived, put on her hat, and started putting toys away. This is really cute of course, but also sad that she is ready to leave. Especially when, like today, we still had another 25 minutes with her. She was quickly distracted, and the rest of play time ensued. When it was time to go up stairs, she started putting up her toys, but she seemed to stall a bit by putting toys up that were already in their rightful place. When we finally carried her up stairs to her room, one of the caretakers reached for her and the tears started flowing. She turned, reached out to her mommy and daddy and wailed. I am sure people walking by on the street heard our hearts break and fall to the floor. Selfishly, I loved it at the same time!

Earlier in play time, A was acting a bit more attached to us. First, I must tell you about how dad got one on the scoreboard. Being a holiday, Cindy and I went to A's classroom to pick her up. She saw us, had to put on her shoes before moving, but then ran straight over to us where Cindy was very obviously blocking the gate with her outstretched arms. As soon as A got to her, she squeezed by and ran to her papa. What a great feeling! (sorry Cindy)

Her attachment continued through most of playtime as she seldom wanted to be on the ground. Instead, she kept wanting to be held and hugged. This is very different from her normal personality, but every day seems to keep us on our toes.

She did find a new toy/game to play today. Due to the dry weather here, our poor daughter's bottom lip is split open. Today, she did something that reopened the wound and started bleeding. To help her heal, we got out the Blistex and rubbed some on her lips. She loved it, and all she wanted to do for the next little while was put it on her lips, put in on Cindy's lips, and then put it on my lips. Over and over again. I am still not sure how we got it out of her hands.

We almost did not get to go this morning, because there was a severe weather warning that asked everyone to stay inside today. This is pretty big since this city walks everywhere. Still, we ventured in taxis to the baby house, and walked in the bitter cold to the store. Why is the store important enough to risk freezing (and falling)? Because A's parents already love her so much that they just had to go buy enough juice, fruit, and treats for her whole class to enjoy tomorrow on A's 2nd birthday! We are so excited and feel so blessed to be able to celebrate with her.

Day 14 -

So I mentioned yesterday that it was cold, today we were late for the orphanage because the van froze. I am not sure how this works?? Growing up in Louisiana we don't have to worry about things like this. We had to get a cab so we were about 30 minutes late. It was still a great visit. We were allowed to go get her from her room again today and all of the babies were trying to play with Chris. They were all trying to hand their toys to Chris. He would take them then hand them back. The poor babies just want some love. I wish we could take them all home with us.

I am not sure what our A was doing but she was sitting under some furniture in the corner and the other kids were around her so we couldn't see. Of course once she saw us she came to us with a smile. Her favorite words today were Mama and Papa. She even used them several times when it was clear she was calling for us. This puts such a warm feeling in my heart. She is getting more and more comfortable with us which is great although it allowing for us to see all emotions, fun and difficult. She is not afraid of letting us know what she wants. We are just thankful that she lets us calm her when she gets upset. So many parents in this situation have children who are sensitive to touch and it makes this impossible. Our interpreter informed that A is also saying Russian words that means "Give Me" and "Take this". We will have work on please more when she gets home!

Again today she was not ready to leave and neither were we. We brought her back to her room and when we put her down she backed up to my legs and held on to them so I bent down and gave her a long hug and our translator told her that we would be back tomorrow and that it was time to go. After several minutes she stepped away. I am almost in tears (correct that, in tears) writing about this now. It breaks my heart so much to leave her every day and the idea of getting closer to having to leave her for over a month kills me. I know that this is just one more step to bringing her home, but it is still difficult.

On a lighter note we were able to explore some great Kazakh culuture today with the help of our translators. We went to a museum that was very educational and interesting, but also very cold in half of it. We also walked through this amazing park. When we were done we decided to take the bus back since it was crazy cold, but while we were waiting we decided it might be better to call a taxi. Our translator's phone died so Chris offered his. When she was handing back to him, it slipped (cold hands and all) and because the phone was probably frozen, the screen cracked. I felt so sorry for our translator and we tried to convince her that it was time to change to Verizon anyway. Either way Chris is now without a phone until we get back. Oh and we did use the bus which was about 33 cents per person. It was not as scary as I feared and also not as warm as I hoped. We were assured that it will warm back up in a couple of days. Maybe it will get up to negative 20!

Day 13 - Beginning of the English Language

New Years around here is such a huge deal that the party in our hotel was still going at 6:00am this morning. Then when we tried to go down for breakfast they told us it would not be open until 10:00am. I am pretty sure that people are not expected to function on New Years Day. I thought this was just a crazy party, but our translator said she was out until 5:00am and this was normal. And we thought we did good staying up past midnight! Because of this I was a little concerned about how A would be today. I had this fear that the caretakers would come dragging in after partying all night and it would put our little girl in a bad mood. Thankfully this was not the case. We were able to go get her from her room again and the care takers were bright eyed and bushy tailed (not really sure what that means but you get the point, they were awake).

A was very happy to see us. She did not have her shoes on so she stayed where she was until someone could come and put them on for her. The caretakers had dressed her in the outfit that we bought her. So this is the second day in a row that she is wearing it. We like to think that she picked it out and insisted on wearing it (I know she is two and this is not likely, but it is a nice thought so I am going to choose to believe that this is how it happened).

I am also happy to say that there were no accidents today. She was in a much better mood today. We were reading a book together and she was saying "Moo" with the cow and would point at the googley eyes in a book and say "eye". She also says "Bye" now instead of the Russian, "PaKa". I feel that she will catch on quickly. Another big step today, she let us hold the water bottle for her when she was drinking. I know this seems quite backwards but it is very good for her to start depending on us. A is a very independent little girl and each time she allows us to do something for her it is a step in the right direction. She is also able to take the screw top lid off by herself, a little scary! She has not quite gotten the whole putting it back on thing down yet.

We had one more freak out today when our translator left the room. This was likely due to her thinking that she left and was not going to come back to get her for lunch. It broke my heart. I recognize that she is going to attach some to the translator because she is there every day with us, but it was still hard for me to see her get so upset when she left. Thankfully she still let us comfort her and again her little music box did the trick (Thank you again Kat and Derek). We then went and sat down and gave her some water. It was as if nothing happened. I am very happy to see that when she freaks out she does not push us away of even get agressive. She allows us to hold and comfort her until all is better.

A is not doing quite as well with putting her toys up. In some ways this is nice because she is not in such a hurry to leave us, but I really don't want to break this habit. Today we were able to bring her back to her room and she held on to her Papa and was singing all the way upstairs. We put her down in her room and she walked around a corner, then came right back and made a face like, "Are you coming?". It was great to have those beautiful wide eyes looking at us when we left. No tears and no screams, just joy.

One last side note. IT IS COLD! How cold is it?

Well, a river with sheets of ice floating in it was giving off a substantial amount of steam.

Fun Fact: Did you know that celsius and fahrenheit equal each other at negative 40 degrees? We didn't need to know that before coming here!

This picture says it all...