Day 24 – Such sweet sorrow…

I am sorry that it has taken so long to post about this but we are traveling and the internet is sketchy or expensive. So although I am writing this in Frankfurt Germany, I will likely not be able to post it until we are back home.

We brought gifts for all of the workers at the orphanage since it was our last day there. We had the privilege of seeing the room that she sleeps in. It had about 20 toddler beds set up in one room (can you imagine that many toddlers in such close quarters at bedtime?). When we offered the gifts to caretakers they were very thankful and were eager to offer many encouraging words to us. They describe A the same way we do, as a very sweet and fun girl with a “strong personality”. I have always been a bit of a pushover so, to some extent, I love that she stands up for herself. Growing up in an orphanage, children have to fight there way to the top in order to have their basic needs met. If she fights her way to the front of the line the caretakers will hold her hand while going down the hall. If she gets to the table first, she will get her food first. During playtime, all of the children only get one toy to play with, so if one of the other children takes hers, she will not have a toy. A is definitely a survivor and I am very proud of this trait. Hopefully when she gets home she will no longer feel the need to fight! Also the caretakers informed us that she calms down quickly when we leave and she did not act any differently when we did not come see her because of court. When we are not there though she will call for Papa over and over. I do want to thank everyone who has been praying about this. It was exactly what I need to hear. I want to know that she will be okay until we return, and Chris loved to hear the papa part.

We had a fantastic day with her. She was full of giggles and cracking us up constantly. We added pictures of her to family picture book that we left with her. When she saw these she would point to the area that the picture was taken and say “Dom”, which means “there”. Then she pointed at pictures of the rest of our family and each time would point to the door and say “Dom”. At first I was saying “they are not there”, but then I realized that in reality she was pointing to the direction that all of her loving family is patiently waiting for her to come home. We even snuck some snacks in for her today, and she loved it!

When it was time to bring her back, my heart immediately became heavy again. It is amazing that when I am with her nothing can bring me down, but leaving her was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. We brought her toys up to her room and showed her that they were being placed in her locker and of course it was not much longer when I started tearing up. She clearly could tell that something was different because pulled away from her caretaker and reached her arms up for Chris to pick her up again. When he did, A held onto him harder than she ever has and we had to basically pry her away, which is the hardest thing Chris has ever had to do. She stood and watched us leave and started rocking side to side again. She has not done this since the first couple of days we were with her, but apparently when she sensed our pain, her little nervous habit resurfaced.

I know that she is in very good hands until we can return; I just want them to be my hands so badly. I will write again when we get home. I want to share all of the miracles that made God’s timing so perfect. I do ask that you will be praying that our little survivor will be fine and even thrive until we can return to her.